I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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