Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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