I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
