so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
