I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
