Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
