My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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