sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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