It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
