Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we're making bets on your personal life
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
