Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
