Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
