Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
