k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
