i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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