Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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