i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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