I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
