and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
