He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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