I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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