Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
