Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
