my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
