when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize