I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
accomplished twins. life is a go
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
