Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
