i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
