Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
