Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
