Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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