If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
