I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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