I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We just shotgunned beers for America
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your cock deserves a montage
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
