sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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