A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
