Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
