Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
