Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
