theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
