can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
