some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just sucked dick on a ferry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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