I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
