im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
