I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
