My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
