I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
