I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
