12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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