Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am available for nakedness
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
