im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
