Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
