I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
