He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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