As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
