When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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