i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
