I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
false alarm, still single
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