I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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