oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
