why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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