No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
