I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im about as happy as oj after his trial
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
