i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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