he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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